" Be nice to yourself. It's hard to be happy when someone is mean to you all the time."
-Christine Arylo
I used to get bullied a lot. You probably have never heard this story, even if you know me really well. Everyday I would wake up and it would start all over again. I thought that everyone had it better. I didn't realize how I sounded. I didn't realize how mean they were. Did I say they? I meant I.
Yes I used to look at myself in the mirror and wish I was those other girls. Now that I think of it, I don't even know who those "other girls" exactly were. I have told people this before, but about 2-3 years ago if I knew you and you were female, I was most likely jealous of you in some way. But I have probably only said I was ugly once, not because I had a "tough skin" or "self confidence" because my self confidence was at its all time low back then. I didn't say I was ugly because I decided not to believe it. I would complain about my face or something and my brother would say "You are so beautiful." I would complain about my skin and my mom would say "You are a princess, you are lovely."
One day I realized that I did not want to bully myself anymore. I was tired of looking in the mirror and not liking what I saw. So I started to talk. Every time I looked in the mirror I would say "You are beautiful, you are loved, you are strong, and Jesus loves you." Every time. If I felt overwhelmed at a party or an event I would repeat those words. Because words have so much power in them. I learned to speak words of positivity over myself, and avoid negativity often. It sounds easy, but it wasn't. I can now stand up and say that I am beautiful, strong, confident. I have my flaws and my moments, but I don't accept them to define every part of me like I used to.
So... here's where I am getting to. It's going to look like a rant, but maybe it's a wakeup call.
People, people, people. Please stop. Please stop showing me what you hate about yourself. Please don't whine about all the clothes you can't fit. Please don't say " I am not good enough." Please do not go on about never having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Please stop asking me if you look okay. You look more than okay, you look super awesome!!!! Please stop hating yourself. Just the other day you came up to me shining and wonderful, and now where are you? Please do not say "ugh my hair, but your hair is amazing!" NO! I will not stand as your model of comparison. I am insulted that you would compare me to yourself. Because I was there once, I felt the way you do, I know that twinge of jealousy. I will not be the victim of your jealousy. I do not want you comparing yourself to me. Oh yes I am very okay with my confidence, but I will not stand as a girl to point your finger at and say "look at how much better she is, look at her family, or her hair, or her dog, or her job..." Especially if you say ( for example) "look at my legs they are so out of shape" and then if I am more out of shape than you...well thanks for pointing that flaw out. Thanks a lot. No. Stop. You were created for a reason and pointing fingers at your flaws IS NOT A VALID REASON!!! Please I beg of you all, to be kind to yourself. Treat yourself nicely. It breaks my heart to watch people I love walk around beating themselves up.
People who live like bullies do not make very good friends. I was one once, it isn't fun, and I am so glad that I found healing. If you do not have any supportive family around- find some friends or a mentor who can speak life into you, because words have power. Jesus Christ loves you just the way you are. Imagine how much more you could live freely, knowing that you are good. Beautifully and wonderfully made, how much of that do you actually believe for yourself? God made us and said it was good. You are good enough. Everyday. Please try. Be nice to yourself.
