" Be nice to yourself. It's hard to be happy when someone is mean to you all the time."
-Christine Arylo
I used to get bullied a lot. You probably have never heard this story, even if you know me really well. Everyday I would wake up and it would start all over again. I thought that everyone had it better. I didn't realize how I sounded. I didn't realize how mean they were. Did I say they? I meant I.
Yes I used to look at myself in the mirror and wish I was those other girls. Now that I think of it, I don't even know who those "other girls" exactly were. I have told people this before, but about 2-3 years ago if I knew you and you were female, I was most likely jealous of you in some way. But I have probably only said I was ugly once, not because I had a "tough skin" or "self confidence" because my self confidence was at its all time low back then. I didn't say I was ugly because I decided not to believe it. I would complain about my face or something and my brother would say "You are so beautiful." I would complain about my skin and my mom would say "You are a princess, you are lovely."
One day I realized that I did not want to bully myself anymore. I was tired of looking in the mirror and not liking what I saw. So I started to talk. Every time I looked in the mirror I would say "You are beautiful, you are loved, you are strong, and Jesus loves you." Every time. If I felt overwhelmed at a party or an event I would repeat those words. Because words have so much power in them. I learned to speak words of positivity over myself, and avoid negativity often. It sounds easy, but it wasn't. I can now stand up and say that I am beautiful, strong, confident. I have my flaws and my moments, but I don't accept them to define every part of me like I used to.
So... here's where I am getting to. It's going to look like a rant, but maybe it's a wakeup call.
People, people, people. Please stop. Please stop showing me what you hate about yourself. Please don't whine about all the clothes you can't fit. Please don't say " I am not good enough." Please do not go on about never having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Please stop asking me if you look okay. You look more than okay, you look super awesome!!!! Please stop hating yourself. Just the other day you came up to me shining and wonderful, and now where are you? Please do not say "ugh my hair, but your hair is amazing!" NO! I will not stand as your model of comparison. I am insulted that you would compare me to yourself. Because I was there once, I felt the way you do, I know that twinge of jealousy. I will not be the victim of your jealousy. I do not want you comparing yourself to me. Oh yes I am very okay with my confidence, but I will not stand as a girl to point your finger at and say "look at how much better she is, look at her family, or her hair, or her dog, or her job..." Especially if you say ( for example) "look at my legs they are so out of shape" and then if I am more out of shape than you...well thanks for pointing that flaw out. Thanks a lot. No. Stop. You were created for a reason and pointing fingers at your flaws IS NOT A VALID REASON!!! Please I beg of you all, to be kind to yourself. Treat yourself nicely. It breaks my heart to watch people I love walk around beating themselves up.
People who live like bullies do not make very good friends. I was one once, it isn't fun, and I am so glad that I found healing. If you do not have any supportive family around- find some friends or a mentor who can speak life into you, because words have power. Jesus Christ loves you just the way you are. Imagine how much more you could live freely, knowing that you are good. Beautifully and wonderfully made, how much of that do you actually believe for yourself? God made us and said it was good. You are good enough. Everyday. Please try. Be nice to yourself.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Grounds
Stretched my branches out across
the palace grounds
ground in a battle quietly
lost for words
Eyes across a pile of stories once told
Who knew that a place of dream
and fairytales
would place victory upon our heads?
The weight heavy
Gold
and silver
Rubies and diamonds
diamonds flashing like the swords in our hands
rubies like the blood we sweat
Silver like the river
Golden like heroes hearts.
Now we pass over the roots of a letter unfurled
Transparent roots that show and in unison sing
"Here we are
no one told us
but One called us
victory ours
and His the glory."
Rustling branches above our heads
green banners of triumph whipping in the wind
birds of blue
brown, gray
across the sky freedom signs
like us they sing
"Here we are
no one told us
but One called us
victory ours
and His the glory."
the palace grounds
ground in a battle quietly
lost for words
Eyes across a pile of stories once told
Who knew that a place of dream
and fairytales
would place victory upon our heads?
The weight heavy
Gold
and silver
Rubies and diamonds
diamonds flashing like the swords in our hands
rubies like the blood we sweat
Silver like the river
Golden like heroes hearts.
Now we pass over the roots of a letter unfurled
Transparent roots that show and in unison sing
"Here we are
no one told us
but One called us
victory ours
and His the glory."
Rustling branches above our heads
green banners of triumph whipping in the wind
birds of blue
brown, gray
across the sky freedom signs
like us they sing
"Here we are
no one told us
but One called us
victory ours
and His the glory."
Heart
Write it on my heartstrings would you.
The theme is love
It starts with my heart.
An innocent object that means I am alive.
With each small breath as an infant
I breathed
I lived
In the thunder
In the rain
In the sun
In the snow
Shaking my heart to and fro
Where will it end up and where will it go?
It's really my heart, my soul
You can't show it off
Can't burn it in coal
Can't wear it on a tshirt
or place it on a pole.
You can't even throw it into the sea
Because it never belonged to me.
I place it in another's hands
To quench it in fire
soak it in water
because I'm a daughter
I pick up my crown
Knowing that someday I'll put it back down.
I won't be alone
there'll be people
There will be others
There I will sit
I will sit
And oh my heart
No one will define
Because in the end, it will not be mine.
The theme is love
It starts with my heart.
An innocent object that means I am alive.
With each small breath as an infant
I breathed
I lived
In the thunder
In the rain
In the sun
In the snow
Shaking my heart to and fro
Where will it end up and where will it go?
It's really my heart, my soul
You can't show it off
Can't burn it in coal
Can't wear it on a tshirt
or place it on a pole.
You can't even throw it into the sea
Because it never belonged to me.
I place it in another's hands
To quench it in fire
soak it in water
because I'm a daughter
I pick up my crown
Knowing that someday I'll put it back down.
I won't be alone
there'll be people
There will be others
There I will sit
I will sit
And oh my heart
No one will define
Because in the end, it will not be mine.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Hope
I just want to know- what makes the sad people dance?
When the day is over.
When the rain falls hard.
When the mud drowns all you had left, and all you planted.
When the last check is written.
When all the ones you thought loved you hate your face.
When love is hard to find.
When your friends are few.
When they turn their backs.
When the day is done.
When the last breath is drawn.
And the sky grows dark.
And all love seems dead.
A couple thousand years ago...
The day was over.
The rain fell hard.
The mud seemed to drown all that was left and planted.
The last check was written.
The ones who loved hated.
Love was hard to find.
Friends were few.
They turned their backs.
The day was done.
The last breath was drawn.
The sky grew dark.
All love seemed dead.
But, love was not dead...
The third day- it began!
His rain washed it away!
Out of the earth came new life!
The last check was written- a balance we can never repay!
The ones that hated, began to see.
Love was here.
Friends began to believe.
They turned themselves back.
The day had just begun.
Love was breathing.
The sky was full of hope.
Love was alive! And Jesus rose! He is alive!
Find hope! Find love! Find love in the truth that is Jesus! God will always have the power to turn the most hopeless days into GREAT joys!
That is what makes the sad people dance!!!!
When the day is over.
When the rain falls hard.
When the mud drowns all you had left, and all you planted.
When the last check is written.
When all the ones you thought loved you hate your face.
When love is hard to find.
When your friends are few.
When they turn their backs.
When the day is done.
When the last breath is drawn.
And the sky grows dark.
And all love seems dead.
A couple thousand years ago...
The day was over.
The rain fell hard.
The mud seemed to drown all that was left and planted.
The last check was written.
The ones who loved hated.
Love was hard to find.
Friends were few.
They turned their backs.
The day was done.
The last breath was drawn.
The sky grew dark.
All love seemed dead.
But, love was not dead...
The third day- it began!
His rain washed it away!
Out of the earth came new life!
The last check was written- a balance we can never repay!
The ones that hated, began to see.
Love was here.
Friends began to believe.
They turned themselves back.
The day had just begun.
Love was breathing.
The sky was full of hope.
Love was alive! And Jesus rose! He is alive!
Find hope! Find love! Find love in the truth that is Jesus! God will always have the power to turn the most hopeless days into GREAT joys!
That is what makes the sad people dance!!!!
Monday, February 3, 2014
Soul Ache.
Sometimes we have those days where our hearts ache for something and we can't put our finger on it. We go through the list of things- "Does my heart ache for friends? For joy? To experience something exciting? A spouse? Does it ache for people who have left this earth? For new beginnings?" Last night I was up with the ache, and I asked these questions, and I found nothing.
Sometimes we forget. Sometimes we forget that the world isn't the only thing around us. Sometimes we go days without acknowledging. Sometimes we get so busy. Sometimes we starve our souls.
I sat there, wondering. I was listening to some hour long worship session with Kim Walker Smith. I had friends praying for me, because I knew that there was something wrong- I just needed to receive vision to see it. Kim started singing "My soul longs for you, my soul longs for you, my soul longs for you..." And then I saw it! I realized that the ache wasn't more physical as it was spiritual. My soul ached, not my heart. Then God started to speak "STOP! Your soul misses its first love" (dagger to the heart.) What is the cure for an aching soul? I believe it is to soak in the glory of His goodness, to let Him heal you, to let Him love you, to run to Him as your fist love and sit in His blessing and wonderful peace. I started to acknowledge Him and worship Him by just being still. I felt like it had been a long hot a day and I was drinking glasses of cool water. Ah!
Psalm 62: 1-2, "Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken"
Song of Solomon 3:4, "I have found the one whom my soul loves."
Jeremiah 29:12-14, "Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity..."
Psalm 45:10, "
He knows that you need Him. He wants you to run to Him. He wants you to ask Him things. You need it. He knows your needs, your desires. Today, STOP! Let Him speak to you. Let Him tell you "Hey I've got this, so stop worrying". Today let Him love you. Don't let your soul starve. Feed it. Soak it in! Do not forget your first love!
Sometimes we forget. Sometimes we forget that the world isn't the only thing around us. Sometimes we go days without acknowledging. Sometimes we get so busy. Sometimes we starve our souls.
I sat there, wondering. I was listening to some hour long worship session with Kim Walker Smith. I had friends praying for me, because I knew that there was something wrong- I just needed to receive vision to see it. Kim started singing "My soul longs for you, my soul longs for you, my soul longs for you..." And then I saw it! I realized that the ache wasn't more physical as it was spiritual. My soul ached, not my heart. Then God started to speak "STOP! Your soul misses its first love" (dagger to the heart.) What is the cure for an aching soul? I believe it is to soak in the glory of His goodness, to let Him heal you, to let Him love you, to run to Him as your fist love and sit in His blessing and wonderful peace. I started to acknowledge Him and worship Him by just being still. I felt like it had been a long hot a day and I was drinking glasses of cool water. Ah!
Psalm 62: 1-2, "Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken"
Song of Solomon 3:4, "I have found the one whom my soul loves."
Jeremiah 29:12-14, "Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity..."
Psalm 45:10, "
"Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention:
Forget your people and your father’s house.
Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
honor him, for he is your lord."
He knows that you need Him. He wants you to run to Him. He wants you to ask Him things. You need it. He knows your needs, your desires. Today, STOP! Let Him speak to you. Let Him tell you "Hey I've got this, so stop worrying". Today let Him love you. Don't let your soul starve. Feed it. Soak it in! Do not forget your first love!
Monday, September 9, 2013
Snoqualamie Creek by Sharhaiah
Oh hello.
I see you.
You see me.
Through our eyes the birds are free.
Our hearts are tight.
But you said last week.
Your heart wanted to soar.
Now inside.
The lions roar.
The falls of Snoqualamie pour.
The muscle is sore.
Take some ice.
I found it in the creek.
Down where the snows and glaciers leak.
A bit of wilderness will cure your ache.
For the child and birdwatcher's sake.
The birds will see that they can be free.
The child will see your light.
Our hearts will rise up, they will not be tight.
The mountains will smile.
They know that their tears have covered ours.
But they still wish they had freckles like the sky.
We call them stars.
Freckles in the sky.
From many years of sun.
Sometimes they sparkle.
Other's shoot and run.
Some stars they die and then the sky weeps.
How can there be sadness near the snow and glacier creeks?
How can the sun still shine after so many days?
How can the creatures still stir up productions and plays?
How can the trees still stand after the wood
has gone and rotted or burned for good?
Your heart will feel the strength of the redwoods
your mouth will taste the scent of pine
the birds will sing a song of freedom
and you will be just fine.
The petals will whisper butterfly kisses
the ground will up and sink
and your heart will feel the mends
from the glacier of Snoqualamie creek.
I see you.
You see me.
Through our eyes the birds are free.
Our hearts are tight.
But you said last week.
Your heart wanted to soar.
Now inside.
The lions roar.
The falls of Snoqualamie pour.
The muscle is sore.
Take some ice.
I found it in the creek.
Down where the snows and glaciers leak.
A bit of wilderness will cure your ache.
For the child and birdwatcher's sake.
The birds will see that they can be free.
The child will see your light.
Our hearts will rise up, they will not be tight.
The mountains will smile.
They know that their tears have covered ours.
But they still wish they had freckles like the sky.
We call them stars.
Freckles in the sky.
From many years of sun.
Sometimes they sparkle.
Other's shoot and run.
Some stars they die and then the sky weeps.
How can there be sadness near the snow and glacier creeks?
How can the sun still shine after so many days?
How can the creatures still stir up productions and plays?
How can the trees still stand after the wood
has gone and rotted or burned for good?
Your heart will feel the strength of the redwoods
your mouth will taste the scent of pine
the birds will sing a song of freedom
and you will be just fine.
The petals will whisper butterfly kisses
the ground will up and sink
and your heart will feel the mends
from the glacier of Snoqualamie creek.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Mountain Ash, Creaky Stairs and Thankfulness
Our house is old, it was built in the 1920s. One time we peeled some wallpaper off of my brother's room ceiling ( yes ceiling) and wall and found that someone wrote a date ( I think it was 1960) . I don't know why they wrote it, but it was a long time ago. My house has all original glass doorknobs, and windows. The glass doorknobs are all held with those metal plates, but they have key holes- and we don't know where the keys went. Some of the windows are bubbled or warped a little and are not insulated like new windows, so we have to put extra windows called storm windows over them in the winter. When we took the 60- 70's wall paper off, there was more wallpaper underneath, and then when we took that off, there was more. There's probably more underneath that, but we just painted over the last layer we saw. The banister at the bottom of the stairs is chipped a little and you can see layer upon layer of paint that has been used on it. We have a laundry chute that we kind of used to use as an intercom system, but more often use it for our laundry. Our vents are not very well insulated so you can hear conversations pretty well in other rooms, which you may use to your advantage or disadvantage. The back yard has lots of trees- not puny ones- huge maples and catalpas that shed every season. We figured out why our grass doesn't grow very well, Mount Saint Helens covered our street in ash and if you dig deep enough- it's still there. One time my dad pulled up a tree for our neighbor lady and inside the bush was like winter, sprinkled with ash. My room is connected to my sister's room because my sister's room was added on later. My sister's room and the office and downstairs bathroom below were all added on with not so good a foundation so if you drop some marbles they'll all roll east, or you'll sleep slanted downwards. Off of my sister's room is a veranda, it's most useful for tanning, and starwatching. The attic is old and some birds made a home up there once, and you could hear the baby birds in the morning calling for breakfast. The street is worn down, and parts of our driveway have big cracks from the tree roots.
Sometimes I think it'd be nice to have a brand new house with brand new plumbing, brand new foundation, a brand new roof, brand new driveway. But then I remember- I live in a big huge antique, a sort of museum, and a piece of history. Where I stand there were once orchards, then they built streets where old automobiles chugged down, and then they built this house and someone wrote dates on that wall in my brother's room. They added trees, and lovely wooden flooring, and glass doorknobs. They probably had an okay time with the grass until Mount Saint Helens blew up, and then covered up the ash. There are so many stories on this street, so many secrets, and so many memories. ( I have nothing against new houses, by the way... I just like mine better.)
I was at our friend's house the other day and their house is super new, it smells like fresh paint and new wood. I was playing with the kids and was trying to let the kids know that I was walking up the stairs ( playing tickle monster) and no matter how hard I stepped- those stairs didn't let out one squeak. There are no mysteries, no secrets in that house. The windows are flat and shiny, the floors are reinforced with some new product. The grass outside is new and green, and the trees are small and brand new. I realized then how much I have in my old house, even though it is sometimes an extra hassle. I realized how important it is to be thankful for what I do have, because later on I might regret trying to have everything bigger, and better, nicer, greener, more, or less. I could have missed out on all the discoveries in my life that could not have happened if I got what I wanted then. God knew what he was doing when he gave me everything I have, even if I didn't understand it then. I didn't understand why our yard wasn't bigger- but now I'd take memories, history, and wonderful neighbors over any bigger yard. I didn't understand why I didn't know what I wanted to do for college like everyone else when I graduated- but I'm starting college this year and it could not have been a better time of my life.
I'm not saying that people who strive for better are bad or not as blessed, because the same things can happen for people who even have as much as they could ever have. The main theme is just to be thankful where you are at. If God gives you a Ferrari- sweet! But use your blessings to bless others... I don't know what you could do with a Ferrari, but if you've got it ask God to give you the wisdom to use it the best for His glory. Mary Oliver said " Sometimes, I need only to stand wherever I am to be blessed." And I think her words ring true.
A couple of weeks ago we were finishing my grandparents move ( some more), they moved a couple months ago but they had some stuff in a storage unit that they needed help getting out before a yard sale. Sadly, the first thing I did was complain to myself, I thought "why do they ever need our help again?! Had we not done enough already?!" Then I cringed with guilt at the sound of my thoughts in my head. How could I be so selfish? God quietly reminded me of a servant's heart and said " well, do it for me?" That evening I was on Pinterest ( as silly as that may seem) and I came across this quote that said " What ever the present moment contains, embrace it as if you had chosen it" (quote Eckhardt Tolle.) So the next day, trying to still have a joyful heart, I quoted that quote over and over again and reminded myself of what I was doing for Jesus even if I didn't see any progress. I said to myself with every box and every frustrated remark from family members that " this is my idea, I chose to spend my day this way, I dragged everyone into this" even though it wasn't true. I treated it as if I had called everyone up and said " Hey everyone I have a great idea and it's a lot of fun- let move boxes and get a little flustered." My "pretending" helped me see the other side of things, and opened up my eyes to really what a difference I was making because I had decided to ignore my selfish thoughts, and live in the moment God had blessed me with to bless others.
We were all put on this earth at this time for a reason, no matter how hard it may seem right now. Ecclesiastes 3 says that there is a time for everything. All over the bible it says to be thankful and to thank the Lord. These past few years I have been learning that I simply need to follow directions and then watch God put all the pieces together, because His timing is perfect and a doubting heart won't help anything. I have been in that place of doubt and I still struggle with it, but I encourage you to see what you do have now and live now where you are. Even when we don't think we are making much of a difference- we really are blessing others by living now to glorify God. We were not made to construct our own lives, but to follow the constructor.
Sometimes I think it'd be nice to have a brand new house with brand new plumbing, brand new foundation, a brand new roof, brand new driveway. But then I remember- I live in a big huge antique, a sort of museum, and a piece of history. Where I stand there were once orchards, then they built streets where old automobiles chugged down, and then they built this house and someone wrote dates on that wall in my brother's room. They added trees, and lovely wooden flooring, and glass doorknobs. They probably had an okay time with the grass until Mount Saint Helens blew up, and then covered up the ash. There are so many stories on this street, so many secrets, and so many memories. ( I have nothing against new houses, by the way... I just like mine better.)
I was at our friend's house the other day and their house is super new, it smells like fresh paint and new wood. I was playing with the kids and was trying to let the kids know that I was walking up the stairs ( playing tickle monster) and no matter how hard I stepped- those stairs didn't let out one squeak. There are no mysteries, no secrets in that house. The windows are flat and shiny, the floors are reinforced with some new product. The grass outside is new and green, and the trees are small and brand new. I realized then how much I have in my old house, even though it is sometimes an extra hassle. I realized how important it is to be thankful for what I do have, because later on I might regret trying to have everything bigger, and better, nicer, greener, more, or less. I could have missed out on all the discoveries in my life that could not have happened if I got what I wanted then. God knew what he was doing when he gave me everything I have, even if I didn't understand it then. I didn't understand why our yard wasn't bigger- but now I'd take memories, history, and wonderful neighbors over any bigger yard. I didn't understand why I didn't know what I wanted to do for college like everyone else when I graduated- but I'm starting college this year and it could not have been a better time of my life.
I'm not saying that people who strive for better are bad or not as blessed, because the same things can happen for people who even have as much as they could ever have. The main theme is just to be thankful where you are at. If God gives you a Ferrari- sweet! But use your blessings to bless others... I don't know what you could do with a Ferrari, but if you've got it ask God to give you the wisdom to use it the best for His glory. Mary Oliver said " Sometimes, I need only to stand wherever I am to be blessed." And I think her words ring true.
A couple of weeks ago we were finishing my grandparents move ( some more), they moved a couple months ago but they had some stuff in a storage unit that they needed help getting out before a yard sale. Sadly, the first thing I did was complain to myself, I thought "why do they ever need our help again?! Had we not done enough already?!" Then I cringed with guilt at the sound of my thoughts in my head. How could I be so selfish? God quietly reminded me of a servant's heart and said " well, do it for me?" That evening I was on Pinterest ( as silly as that may seem) and I came across this quote that said " What ever the present moment contains, embrace it as if you had chosen it" (quote Eckhardt Tolle.) So the next day, trying to still have a joyful heart, I quoted that quote over and over again and reminded myself of what I was doing for Jesus even if I didn't see any progress. I said to myself with every box and every frustrated remark from family members that " this is my idea, I chose to spend my day this way, I dragged everyone into this" even though it wasn't true. I treated it as if I had called everyone up and said " Hey everyone I have a great idea and it's a lot of fun- let move boxes and get a little flustered." My "pretending" helped me see the other side of things, and opened up my eyes to really what a difference I was making because I had decided to ignore my selfish thoughts, and live in the moment God had blessed me with to bless others.
We were all put on this earth at this time for a reason, no matter how hard it may seem right now. Ecclesiastes 3 says that there is a time for everything. All over the bible it says to be thankful and to thank the Lord. These past few years I have been learning that I simply need to follow directions and then watch God put all the pieces together, because His timing is perfect and a doubting heart won't help anything. I have been in that place of doubt and I still struggle with it, but I encourage you to see what you do have now and live now where you are. Even when we don't think we are making much of a difference- we really are blessing others by living now to glorify God. We were not made to construct our own lives, but to follow the constructor.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)