Sometimes we all just need a break! Not the kind of break where we stop our work, stop our school, sit on Pinterest all day, tweet about whatever, Facebook it up, and sit around lazily doing nothing at all. But the kind of break where we suddenly hear the roar of His voice, we stop, and we say once again "wow, I'm really sorry Jesus! I've been living for myself again." It's the point where we come humbly to God and realize that we really are not as cool and awesome as we thought. It's the crazy, a little embarrassing, but totally worth it- heart change!
Recently I realized that as much as I complained and just sat around "taking a break" I wasn't going to go anywhere good, or anywhere in general. I started to see that I had been putting the talents and gifts which I delighted in so much- had been put off due to stupid worldly distractions. I would be so full of worry and just dumb ideas and thoughts, and then only say a little prayer before bed to hopefully mend my circumstances.
As I started noticing my behavior I wrote this poem called Broken Heart about one who is trying to please God and the world;
My heart is broken
but slowly breaking
like a piece of iceberg
cracking into the sea
What could have caused this
rather pure mess?
Is it mine?
or yours for the taking?
It's a slight pull
a tug
God nudges
to His side
Beauty calls clear
He is near
and as He calls
He roars.
And then it was crazy because just this week I was at my church college group and the leader was speaking about how we go about life ad then instead of going to Jesus for our troubles- we just go back to our sin again. I was totally just sitting there thinking "eh, I don't even know why I'm listening" until she read a part of Hosea 11 which says "He will roar like a lion. When he roars his children will come trembling." Boom! There it hit me! I had been trying to get closer to God when I had really just been pushing him away, and here I was like a little child trembling at his call once again. I believe that God was speaking to me through that poem and then totally just hit it home with me when I heard a leader confirm it.
As soon as I recognized this huge void in my heart that I had been ignoring for quite some time, I had to let stuff go. First of all I stopped going on Pinterest which has been so good! I found that even though Pinterest is a very cute site with lots of good ideas- I had become very materialist-minded and had been trying to be as awesome and chic as the women on the unrealistic style boards which made me look at my God given beauty as flawed. Since removing myself from the site- I have found a new happiness in who God has made me to be! Second I stopped tweeting and going on Twitter- as I realized the site is a wonderful way to waste time and complain about my life. Wow. Third- I started to write down ways that I could focus on Jesus throughout the day/week:
1. Wake up with Jesus! Spend a little time in prayer and devotion. Start your morning right!
This has been the hardest for me- as I am not a morning person and cannot think clearly until I am fully ready for the day.
2. Do an activity that encourages thoughts towards Jesus- take a walk, draw/paint with worship music, play music on piano/violin/ukulele/guitar, sing, write a letter to God, go outside and take a look at His creation...
Ahhhhh!!!!! My painting is back!!!! This was the most wonderful thing! I had totally forgotten that God had given me the gift of prophetic painting- and man that brush felt so good in my hands!
3. Daily encourage at least 1 person in the day and pray for them.
Yep. And people really appreciate this.
4. Dig deep into your word!
So for this one, I've been taking it really seriously- I've found myself sitting on a couch totally immersed in book after book of the bible and just so in awe thinking "wow, I'm so happy to be doing this now!" Jesus has given me his joy and hunger for his word!
5. Pray without ceasing (1Thessalonians 5:17)
Talking to God- love it :)
6. Read up on knowledge concerning godly values. I've been doing this without realizing it. My recent "knowledge" is getting involved in a ministry that gets women and children out of human trafficking. My friend Kaitlan is involved in Shared Hope International which does exactly what I've been looking for!. Check it out!
These past two weeks have been a serious heart change for me, and an amazing wake up call! Since I have been focusing more on my creator and less on the created, I have found more joy, peace and love than I have ever thought possible. I am becoming more content in Jesus, and that is the way it's supposed to be! If you are finding yourself in the time for a "heart change" I highly encourage you to do so as soon as possible! As hard as it may be- ask yourself "what is pulling me away from Jesus right now?" And then respond to his voice! He wants to talk to you, speak through you, speak to you, give you the best dreams ever (for real), and just be one you can stare at in awe! "Cheer up on your feet! He's calling you!" (Mark 10:49)
